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We don't have an army of accountants to sign off on this with a super secret, specially sealed briefcase of statistics, but by my amateurish count the Out 1400 has honored two people above all others: Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres, who weigh in at a total of six years each.

We're hardly alone in our Ellen honoring -- she's won something like 10 Emmys, six People's Choice Awards and a Kid Choice Award. She's what sports types like to call "winningest."

But maybe you've heard -- she's having kind of a crazy week. Yesterday her show announced she'd be taking a couple of mental health days, but if the reaction online is anything like that in America's living rooms, many viewers seem to think she's pushed her celebrity advantage a little too far.

On the other hand, let's put this in perspective. Leading contenders for Ellen's other worst weeks of her life include:

> Being called "Ellen DeGenerate" by Jerry Fallwell.
> Her sitcom getting canceled. Both of them.
> Her ex-girlfriend (another alum of the Out 100 -- what can we say?) going through a seriously crazy phase. And we don't mean the part where she was into girls -- we mean the part where she thought aliens were speaking to her!

At this point I think she should just follow the same advice everyone's been giving Britney -- call your mom! Get your act together! Stage a kick-ass comeback!

Or really, just show up on Monday ready to make us all laugh again. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.